Tuesday, April 19, 2005
My Little Princess
Kayla and her new favorite toy
Friday, March 25, 2005
The Steamboat Experiment: Success!
Purpose: To examine the possibility of vacationing with multiple couples with babies under 7 months of age.
Premise: By splitting childcare and household chores amongst ourselves, it would enable all participants to have an enjoyable and cost effective vacation.
Introduction:
Previously I have taken vacations alone, with my wife or with relatives. Vacations with a small group are usually enjoyable only if everyone shares common interests and goals. When dealing with larger parties, centralized vacations (skiing or beach) are usually more enjoyable than sightseeing vacations.
Back when my WW was pregnant, me and a few of my friends hatched a crazy scheme. The thought was that with new babies, there was no way that any of us would get to do any substantial skiing this year. The thought of that made us all cringe in fear. We decided that the best way to get some turns in was to take a group vacation with the babies and split the childcare duties amongst ourselves. At the time, the concept seemed scary and exciting.
Material and Methods:
Six couples were invited to partake in the experiment. At the time of recruitment, 5 were pregnant and one was recently married. Of the six, 3 ultimately participated. Two had other engagements in India which precluded their participation. Of the two, one had a "bun in the oven" technically excluding them from data collection but not from an observational capacity. One couple was lost to follow up.
Participating couples included L&P (hosts) with J (aka The Biscuit, Mr. Biskers or Big Boi) age 6mos, S&D (D.Diddy) with Kayla (aka Kayla Bean, Beanie or Parselmouth) age 7mos and D&S with T (aka Tali)age 3mos. B, a soon to be engage male, observed the proceedings for two days at the end of the week.
Following a determination of the vacation week, each couple acquired airline tickets separately. Two couples flew United Airlines via Denver. One from Friday to Friday and the other from Saturday to Saturday. The host couple flew Continental via Dallas from Friday to Saturday.
Confounding factors included Tali's vaccinations, coordinating 6 adult schedules which included 3 MD's and one participant's F'ed up job related vacation request regulations.
The setting was a luxury ski house in the "Condo Ghetto" of Steamboat Springs, CO jointly owned by the host family. Each family resided on a "floor" of the above ski house thereby providing a measure of privacy.
Transportation provided primarily by "Big Blue", a 1975ish Chevrolet Suburban with a recently rebuilt engine as well as the "Mountain Resorts" shuttle bus. Alpine Taxi was utilized for return transportation to the airport at the conclusion of the vacation.
All expenses were handled communally with reimbursement requirements handled by the host. All childcare and household chores were communal. All ski lift tickets were purchased individually and shared communally. All, except one, declined rental equipment managing to share and scavenge equipment from within the house.
Results were tallied by informal opinion poll, by observation of the couple's post vacation state of marital bliss and by overall condition of their offspring.
Results:
Preliminary results indicate that all couples were very satisfied with their experience. The combination of lack of sleep and physical exhaustion was a common problem throughout the week accounting for early bedtimes amongst the adults. The availability of good wine, good food, great companionship and TONS of fresh POW offset the majority of negative outcomes.
All children emerged from vacation unscathed. Two of 3 children remained on Eastern Standard Time. One made her own rules. Kayla remained on EST with positive results. Bedtime was 5pm with feeding at 4:30am and wakeup at 6:30am. Naps, feeding and bathing were according to her usual EST schedule. The remainder of the time, she interacted with The Biscuit or caregivers. The Biscuit also remained on EST with positive results. Bedtime was later, between 7 and 8pm with feeding at 4-5am and wakeup about 7am. His daily napping, feeding and bathing schedule was also on EST. The remainder of the time, he interacted with Kayla or caregivers. Tali, however, chose to make her own schedule. Sleeping and feeding seemed to occur at random 3-4hr intervals around the clock. During waking hours she was either in her "bouncy seat" or interacting with caregivers. She did not interact with Kayla or The Biscuit.
Daily chores and caregiving were shared amongst the adults with consistently good results. The house was clean, laundry done and folded and meals were great. The executive chefs were almost exclusively male with women helping with preparation.
All adults who wanted to ski were able to do so for portions 4 days which included at least 1 full day. There was one full time snowboarder. There were 3 part time snowboarders. Of the 3 part time snowboarders, 2 alternated between skis and snowblades and one snowbladed exclusively. One adult alternated between skis and snowblades but never snowboarded and two skied exclusively. Only one adult took lessons. Lessons were provided by a dashing Scotsman who was an instructor at the Steamboat Ski School. Estimated snowfall for the week was about 3 feet with about 2 feet on Monday and another 1 plus on Thursday.
Participation in nightly activities was variable. One adult chose only to watch movies. One adult only participated in Dominoes when prodded to do so and only participated to illustrate that he was not too impaired to perform high level computational math. At other times, this adult fell asleep on the couch while watching movies, occasionally waking himself by snoring much to the amusement of the other moviegoers. The others all were avid gamers as well as movie watchers.
Discussion:
The concept of a communal vacation is an interesting idea which is often tried and rarely successful. The Steamboat experiment was successful due to a combination of an ideal setting and ideal participants.
The participants: The majority have been friends or acquaintances for over 5 years. All except one were members of a 3 person family unit. The remaining person was known to 2 people for over 20 years. All these factors resulted in optimum cooperation, maximum fun and limited strife. Tension was minimal and either was in jest or, if not, usually confined to private quarters.
Transportation: Optimal. Airline ticket prices were likely inflated secondary to one participant's F'ed up job. However, this proved to be insignificant as all traveled safely and without incident. United's propensity to overbook could have resulted in significant headache but was luckily avoided. This was used to our advantage as Kayla forfeited her seat on the Denver to Steamboat leg resulting in two round trip tickets on United for her parents. Big Blue, despite some initial transmission related lurching, performed flawlessly and the shuttle bus system worked great.
Accommodations: Optimal. The host house was spacious, beautiful and well appointed. The sleeping arrangements provided privacy and sound insulation against crying babies and other noises. Hats of to the B&K families for such a wonderful job.
Skiing: Amazing. The Gods were looking favorably upon us as we were blessed by TWO HUGE DUMPS. All interested adults were able to partake in the fresh pow. Confounding factors were poor radio communication, my WW's poor sense of direction, Goggle fogging, B&S's ill fated decision to attempt major binding repairs on the lift resulting in the misplacement of a crucial mounting plate, altitude and inadequate physical conditioning.
Children: All were angels. Kayla was amazing. Her only problem was napping. Kayla's naps must be timed precisely to avoid blood curdling, ear drum busting and mirror shattering screams. If her caregiver's judgment was correct, then she slept twice daily and was low maintenance. Other troubles emerged when she was innocently flattened by The Biscuit on multiple occasions. Otherwise they engaged in parallel play and mutual toy stealing. The Biscuit was great. Low maintenance, happy, easy to please. Like Kayla, he also had sleeping issues. Nap time was assisted and therefore generally smooth. Bedtime could be a problem. Tali was a joy. A little lover content to gurgle in her bouncy chair and smile. The lack of a set schedule made care more challenging. Also, because of her age, she required closer supervision. Sleeping was inconsistent and became an issue as the week progressed. The unfamiliar setting may have played a role. Parents felt that swaddling may be a future option as she often startles herself awake. Both Kayla and The Biscuit enjoyed solid foods. Initial dificulty in obtaining "Earth's Best" organic baby food was experienced but was quickly overcome. Kayla was supplemented by formula. The Biscuit enjoyed the boob, pancakes and water. Tali was boob and formula fed. All infants were constipated to some degree. Kayla was managed by titrating prune juice, as at home. The Biscuit is rumored to have consumed some prune juice as well. It is unknown if Tali was managed with prune juice. The dryness and altitude may have contributed to the constipation.
Adult Food and Drink: Excellent. Complements to the host's mother for providing a case of excellent wine. This was supplemented by a variety of imported and local beers. A notable favorite was Lindeman's Framboise. Unfortunately no one thought to add it to vanilla ice cream (courtesy of JG). However, it did serve as an excellent mixed berry marinade. Cooking duties were assumed, almost exclusively, by the men. This is a departure from established gender convention. McCann's oatmeal and P's pancakes were big hits at breakfast. The grilling marathon was delicious. S's fish was fabulous. D.Diddy's pumpkin lentil soup was also enjoyable (courtesy KG). Pizza was delivered twice to rave reviews.
Evening Activities: These were usually coordinated by L, who is an avid gamer and trash talker. Pounce and Dominoes were favorites. "Blade Runner" and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" were awe inspiring. Speaking of awe inspiring, the second half of "Spacemonkeys II" and the James Bond-esque ski/BASE jumping in "Yearbook" should not be missed. Notable absentees were "Napoleon Dynamite" and "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" which the author forgot at home.
Other Activities: Initial plans were bold. Eventual execution was less so. Baby backpacks were rented from a local company but were never utilized. Plans for hikes with and without children were made but never carried out. S did manage to partake in one bike ride. P expressed the desire to run but never followed through. D was hoping to snow kite but childcare, snowboarding/skiing and exhaustion took precedence. L,P&J and S,D&K participated in sledding. However, due to poor logistical planning, J&K became cranky and did not enjoy themselves. Their parents ignored this and enjoyed themselves anyway. Pushing strollers on the many paved paths of the "Condo Ghetto" was popular. All participated either as a group or individually. There were two group excusions into the Old Town with children as well as multiple individual trips to gather supplies. One of the highlight activities came towards the end of the week when all participants except Kayla ventured into the hot tub. As it was after 5pm, Kayla was asleep and monitored remotely. The other children were present in their strollers.
Conclusion:
The Steamboat experiment was a success. However, further experiments are still necessary to determine if the results can be duplicated. Changing the venue to Lake Tahoe, Chamonix or Vermont while keeping the same format would prove that it is the company that matters and not the setting. Changing to a beach venue would be an interesting variable and warrants future investigation. Additionally, all attempts should be made to include the 3 couples not involved in this study.
Acknowledgements:
The author would like to thank the B&K families for providing the venue for the experiment. Additionally, P should be acknowledged for coordinating this incredible logistical effort. Thanks to the participating adults and children who all are fabulous friends. Lets hope that this is just the first of many similar experiences. Lastly, if it was not for my WW and Kayla, I would have not had an incredible vacation.
Premise: By splitting childcare and household chores amongst ourselves, it would enable all participants to have an enjoyable and cost effective vacation.
Introduction:
Previously I have taken vacations alone, with my wife or with relatives. Vacations with a small group are usually enjoyable only if everyone shares common interests and goals. When dealing with larger parties, centralized vacations (skiing or beach) are usually more enjoyable than sightseeing vacations.
Back when my WW was pregnant, me and a few of my friends hatched a crazy scheme. The thought was that with new babies, there was no way that any of us would get to do any substantial skiing this year. The thought of that made us all cringe in fear. We decided that the best way to get some turns in was to take a group vacation with the babies and split the childcare duties amongst ourselves. At the time, the concept seemed scary and exciting.
Material and Methods:
Six couples were invited to partake in the experiment. At the time of recruitment, 5 were pregnant and one was recently married. Of the six, 3 ultimately participated. Two had other engagements in India which precluded their participation. Of the two, one had a "bun in the oven" technically excluding them from data collection but not from an observational capacity. One couple was lost to follow up.
Participating couples included L&P (hosts) with J (aka The Biscuit, Mr. Biskers or Big Boi) age 6mos, S&D (D.Diddy) with Kayla (aka Kayla Bean, Beanie or Parselmouth) age 7mos and D&S with T (aka Tali)age 3mos. B, a soon to be engage male, observed the proceedings for two days at the end of the week.
Following a determination of the vacation week, each couple acquired airline tickets separately. Two couples flew United Airlines via Denver. One from Friday to Friday and the other from Saturday to Saturday. The host couple flew Continental via Dallas from Friday to Saturday.
Confounding factors included Tali's vaccinations, coordinating 6 adult schedules which included 3 MD's and one participant's F'ed up job related vacation request regulations.
The setting was a luxury ski house in the "Condo Ghetto" of Steamboat Springs, CO jointly owned by the host family. Each family resided on a "floor" of the above ski house thereby providing a measure of privacy.
Transportation provided primarily by "Big Blue", a 1975ish Chevrolet Suburban with a recently rebuilt engine as well as the "Mountain Resorts" shuttle bus. Alpine Taxi was utilized for return transportation to the airport at the conclusion of the vacation.
All expenses were handled communally with reimbursement requirements handled by the host. All childcare and household chores were communal. All ski lift tickets were purchased individually and shared communally. All, except one, declined rental equipment managing to share and scavenge equipment from within the house.
Results were tallied by informal opinion poll, by observation of the couple's post vacation state of marital bliss and by overall condition of their offspring.
Results:
Preliminary results indicate that all couples were very satisfied with their experience. The combination of lack of sleep and physical exhaustion was a common problem throughout the week accounting for early bedtimes amongst the adults. The availability of good wine, good food, great companionship and TONS of fresh POW offset the majority of negative outcomes.
All children emerged from vacation unscathed. Two of 3 children remained on Eastern Standard Time. One made her own rules. Kayla remained on EST with positive results. Bedtime was 5pm with feeding at 4:30am and wakeup at 6:30am. Naps, feeding and bathing were according to her usual EST schedule. The remainder of the time, she interacted with The Biscuit or caregivers. The Biscuit also remained on EST with positive results. Bedtime was later, between 7 and 8pm with feeding at 4-5am and wakeup about 7am. His daily napping, feeding and bathing schedule was also on EST. The remainder of the time, he interacted with Kayla or caregivers. Tali, however, chose to make her own schedule. Sleeping and feeding seemed to occur at random 3-4hr intervals around the clock. During waking hours she was either in her "bouncy seat" or interacting with caregivers. She did not interact with Kayla or The Biscuit.
Daily chores and caregiving were shared amongst the adults with consistently good results. The house was clean, laundry done and folded and meals were great. The executive chefs were almost exclusively male with women helping with preparation.
All adults who wanted to ski were able to do so for portions 4 days which included at least 1 full day. There was one full time snowboarder. There were 3 part time snowboarders. Of the 3 part time snowboarders, 2 alternated between skis and snowblades and one snowbladed exclusively. One adult alternated between skis and snowblades but never snowboarded and two skied exclusively. Only one adult took lessons. Lessons were provided by a dashing Scotsman who was an instructor at the Steamboat Ski School. Estimated snowfall for the week was about 3 feet with about 2 feet on Monday and another 1 plus on Thursday.
Participation in nightly activities was variable. One adult chose only to watch movies. One adult only participated in Dominoes when prodded to do so and only participated to illustrate that he was not too impaired to perform high level computational math. At other times, this adult fell asleep on the couch while watching movies, occasionally waking himself by snoring much to the amusement of the other moviegoers. The others all were avid gamers as well as movie watchers.
Discussion:
The concept of a communal vacation is an interesting idea which is often tried and rarely successful. The Steamboat experiment was successful due to a combination of an ideal setting and ideal participants.
The participants: The majority have been friends or acquaintances for over 5 years. All except one were members of a 3 person family unit. The remaining person was known to 2 people for over 20 years. All these factors resulted in optimum cooperation, maximum fun and limited strife. Tension was minimal and either was in jest or, if not, usually confined to private quarters.
Transportation: Optimal. Airline ticket prices were likely inflated secondary to one participant's F'ed up job. However, this proved to be insignificant as all traveled safely and without incident. United's propensity to overbook could have resulted in significant headache but was luckily avoided. This was used to our advantage as Kayla forfeited her seat on the Denver to Steamboat leg resulting in two round trip tickets on United for her parents. Big Blue, despite some initial transmission related lurching, performed flawlessly and the shuttle bus system worked great.
Accommodations: Optimal. The host house was spacious, beautiful and well appointed. The sleeping arrangements provided privacy and sound insulation against crying babies and other noises. Hats of to the B&K families for such a wonderful job.
Skiing: Amazing. The Gods were looking favorably upon us as we were blessed by TWO HUGE DUMPS. All interested adults were able to partake in the fresh pow. Confounding factors were poor radio communication, my WW's poor sense of direction, Goggle fogging, B&S's ill fated decision to attempt major binding repairs on the lift resulting in the misplacement of a crucial mounting plate, altitude and inadequate physical conditioning.
Children: All were angels. Kayla was amazing. Her only problem was napping. Kayla's naps must be timed precisely to avoid blood curdling, ear drum busting and mirror shattering screams. If her caregiver's judgment was correct, then she slept twice daily and was low maintenance. Other troubles emerged when she was innocently flattened by The Biscuit on multiple occasions. Otherwise they engaged in parallel play and mutual toy stealing. The Biscuit was great. Low maintenance, happy, easy to please. Like Kayla, he also had sleeping issues. Nap time was assisted and therefore generally smooth. Bedtime could be a problem. Tali was a joy. A little lover content to gurgle in her bouncy chair and smile. The lack of a set schedule made care more challenging. Also, because of her age, she required closer supervision. Sleeping was inconsistent and became an issue as the week progressed. The unfamiliar setting may have played a role. Parents felt that swaddling may be a future option as she often startles herself awake. Both Kayla and The Biscuit enjoyed solid foods. Initial dificulty in obtaining "Earth's Best" organic baby food was experienced but was quickly overcome. Kayla was supplemented by formula. The Biscuit enjoyed the boob, pancakes and water. Tali was boob and formula fed. All infants were constipated to some degree. Kayla was managed by titrating prune juice, as at home. The Biscuit is rumored to have consumed some prune juice as well. It is unknown if Tali was managed with prune juice. The dryness and altitude may have contributed to the constipation.
Adult Food and Drink: Excellent. Complements to the host's mother for providing a case of excellent wine. This was supplemented by a variety of imported and local beers. A notable favorite was Lindeman's Framboise. Unfortunately no one thought to add it to vanilla ice cream (courtesy of JG). However, it did serve as an excellent mixed berry marinade. Cooking duties were assumed, almost exclusively, by the men. This is a departure from established gender convention. McCann's oatmeal and P's pancakes were big hits at breakfast. The grilling marathon was delicious. S's fish was fabulous. D.Diddy's pumpkin lentil soup was also enjoyable (courtesy KG). Pizza was delivered twice to rave reviews.
Evening Activities: These were usually coordinated by L, who is an avid gamer and trash talker. Pounce and Dominoes were favorites. "Blade Runner" and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" were awe inspiring. Speaking of awe inspiring, the second half of "Spacemonkeys II" and the James Bond-esque ski/BASE jumping in "Yearbook" should not be missed. Notable absentees were "Napoleon Dynamite" and "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle" which the author forgot at home.
Other Activities: Initial plans were bold. Eventual execution was less so. Baby backpacks were rented from a local company but were never utilized. Plans for hikes with and without children were made but never carried out. S did manage to partake in one bike ride. P expressed the desire to run but never followed through. D was hoping to snow kite but childcare, snowboarding/skiing and exhaustion took precedence. L,P&J and S,D&K participated in sledding. However, due to poor logistical planning, J&K became cranky and did not enjoy themselves. Their parents ignored this and enjoyed themselves anyway. Pushing strollers on the many paved paths of the "Condo Ghetto" was popular. All participated either as a group or individually. There were two group excusions into the Old Town with children as well as multiple individual trips to gather supplies. One of the highlight activities came towards the end of the week when all participants except Kayla ventured into the hot tub. As it was after 5pm, Kayla was asleep and monitored remotely. The other children were present in their strollers.
Conclusion:
The Steamboat experiment was a success. However, further experiments are still necessary to determine if the results can be duplicated. Changing the venue to Lake Tahoe, Chamonix or Vermont while keeping the same format would prove that it is the company that matters and not the setting. Changing to a beach venue would be an interesting variable and warrants future investigation. Additionally, all attempts should be made to include the 3 couples not involved in this study.
Acknowledgements:
The author would like to thank the B&K families for providing the venue for the experiment. Additionally, P should be acknowledged for coordinating this incredible logistical effort. Thanks to the participating adults and children who all are fabulous friends. Lets hope that this is just the first of many similar experiences. Lastly, if it was not for my WW and Kayla, I would have not had an incredible vacation.
Sledding With Kaya
Me on 1:1 with Tali
Chillin in the bouncy seat.
Chow Time.
Move over Big Boy!
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Once again, my Blog is (in)Famous
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
My sentiments exactly
Monday, March 14, 2005
Graduating from Sleep Training
Finally after about 2 weeks of training we have managed to sort out Kayla's sleep routine. Her routine is Bath at 6 pm followed by a bottle, a book and bed by 7 pm. She sleeps until about 5-5:30 am and gets a bottle and then back to bed until 7:30 am. During the day, we try to give her two naps. Usually they fall between 9-10 am and 1-2 pm. Sometimes she takes a 3 rd nap about 4 pm.
It is hard to listen to her cry, but we realized early on that she cries more in response to our presence than anything else. Usually, checking in on her only made things worse. We put her down, say a quick goodnight, turn out the lights, close the door, leave the room quickly and Kayla usually is quiet in under 5 minutes. The last couple of evenings she was quiet before we even closed the door!
In the end, we adopted aspects of both sleep tomes, advice from our Pediatrician and common sense. Extinction worked for us. Checking in on Kayla did not. Although it is controversial, we decided to force naps because, following good naps, Kayla is happier later in the day. We decided that once Kayla went to sleep, we would not respond to her crying (unless it got out of hand) until 5 am. Now when Kayla wakes, she usually goes right back to sleep.
Kayla is fabulous. She wakes up with a smile, plays all day, eats all her food (except peas), naps well, has a new trick each day and goes to bed at night smoothly. She is such a wonderful girl and getting enough rest seems to bring out the best in her.
The only problems are:
1) She can go from back to stomach very easily but does not do stomach to back very well. As a result, she sometimes wakes up on her stomach and is trapped. Needless to say, this is very upsetting and sometimes requires us to play "rotisserie baby" and flip her.
2) We are going to Colorado, which is 2 hours earlier, and do not know what to do about her schedule. Do we keep Kayla's EST schedule? Do we switch her abruptly to local (MST) time? Do we gradually acclimate her only to get her synchronized just in time to leave?
As always, updates to follow.
It is hard to listen to her cry, but we realized early on that she cries more in response to our presence than anything else. Usually, checking in on her only made things worse. We put her down, say a quick goodnight, turn out the lights, close the door, leave the room quickly and Kayla usually is quiet in under 5 minutes. The last couple of evenings she was quiet before we even closed the door!
In the end, we adopted aspects of both sleep tomes, advice from our Pediatrician and common sense. Extinction worked for us. Checking in on Kayla did not. Although it is controversial, we decided to force naps because, following good naps, Kayla is happier later in the day. We decided that once Kayla went to sleep, we would not respond to her crying (unless it got out of hand) until 5 am. Now when Kayla wakes, she usually goes right back to sleep.
Kayla is fabulous. She wakes up with a smile, plays all day, eats all her food (except peas), naps well, has a new trick each day and goes to bed at night smoothly. She is such a wonderful girl and getting enough rest seems to bring out the best in her.
The only problems are:
1) She can go from back to stomach very easily but does not do stomach to back very well. As a result, she sometimes wakes up on her stomach and is trapped. Needless to say, this is very upsetting and sometimes requires us to play "rotisserie baby" and flip her.
2) We are going to Colorado, which is 2 hours earlier, and do not know what to do about her schedule. Do we keep Kayla's EST schedule? Do we switch her abruptly to local (MST) time? Do we gradually acclimate her only to get her synchronized just in time to leave?
As always, updates to follow.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Help! I've rolled on my stomach and I can't get back.
It seems that as Kayla reaches every new milestone we expectantly wait for her to attain the next one. As a result, was a shock to us when we went for Kayla's six month checkup and her Pediatrician told us that, in some respects, her motor skills were delayed. The shock! The horror! Our little Beanie....delayed! OMG, she is not going to go to Yale! All this because she was not rolling over. It was not like she was meeting or exceeding expectations in all other areas.
After four years of medical school, seven years of medical practice, consultation with our Pediatrician friends, scouring the internet, reading tons of children's books and listening to our mothers, we both understand that all children develop at different rates and that the milestones are merely guidelines. However, it still stung when our Pediatrician called Kayla delayed ONLY because she was not rolling over.
Up till about 7 months, Kayla rolled inconsistently and only in the presence of people other than us. However, all this changed when we returned from vacation. I was playing with Kayla on the floor when, suddenly, she reached over, flipped on her stomach, grabbed her toy and flipped back. Awesome!
That is when the problems began.
From the time she was born, Kayla hated being placed on her stomach. Much of this is likely secondary to the fear of SIDS which permeates our culture. As a result, Kayla spent very little time on her stomach and likely never became accustomed to the sensation. We have always made an effort to promote "tummy time" but it was usually cut short by Kayla's frustrated cries.
These days, Kayla has no problems turing on her stomach. Once there, she will prop her head up with her hands and look around. After awhile boredom and/or frustration sets in and she starts trying to flip back. Unfortunately, Kayla has a problem with her technique. She has the head look, back arch and head look down pat BUT she puts her other arm underneath her and BEHIND her instead of straight out under her head. This effectively prevents her from rolling anywhere compounding her frustration.
This can be very frustrating to watch because I just want to shout "Move your arm, dammit!." It becomes extremely annoying when, at 3 am, Kayla wakes from sleep trapped on her stomach. Usually when she wakes before 5 am, we take a wait and see attitude. If she is trapped, her cries escalate rather than subside and one of us has to get up and play "rotisserie baby" flipping her on her stomach.
I know that sooner or later Kayla will make the connection and flip back but the wait is killing me. Watching her struggle like a flipped turtle is heartbreaking and having to sacrifice my comfort to bail her out when she is in trouble is frustrating, but I guess that is all part of being a parent.
After four years of medical school, seven years of medical practice, consultation with our Pediatrician friends, scouring the internet, reading tons of children's books and listening to our mothers, we both understand that all children develop at different rates and that the milestones are merely guidelines. However, it still stung when our Pediatrician called Kayla delayed ONLY because she was not rolling over.
Up till about 7 months, Kayla rolled inconsistently and only in the presence of people other than us. However, all this changed when we returned from vacation. I was playing with Kayla on the floor when, suddenly, she reached over, flipped on her stomach, grabbed her toy and flipped back. Awesome!
That is when the problems began.
From the time she was born, Kayla hated being placed on her stomach. Much of this is likely secondary to the fear of SIDS which permeates our culture. As a result, Kayla spent very little time on her stomach and likely never became accustomed to the sensation. We have always made an effort to promote "tummy time" but it was usually cut short by Kayla's frustrated cries.
These days, Kayla has no problems turing on her stomach. Once there, she will prop her head up with her hands and look around. After awhile boredom and/or frustration sets in and she starts trying to flip back. Unfortunately, Kayla has a problem with her technique. She has the head look, back arch and head look down pat BUT she puts her other arm underneath her and BEHIND her instead of straight out under her head. This effectively prevents her from rolling anywhere compounding her frustration.
This can be very frustrating to watch because I just want to shout "Move your arm, dammit!." It becomes extremely annoying when, at 3 am, Kayla wakes from sleep trapped on her stomach. Usually when she wakes before 5 am, we take a wait and see attitude. If she is trapped, her cries escalate rather than subside and one of us has to get up and play "rotisserie baby" flipping her on her stomach.
I know that sooner or later Kayla will make the connection and flip back but the wait is killing me. Watching her struggle like a flipped turtle is heartbreaking and having to sacrifice my comfort to bail her out when she is in trouble is frustrating, but I guess that is all part of being a parent.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Sleep Training (long term sanity outweighs short term insanity)
From birth till about 8 weeks, Kayla slept like all infants do. Her life was fractionated into 3 hour blocks consisting of eating, sleeping, soiling her diapers and just laying there looking cute.
Sometime around her Baby Naming/Aruba trip things changed. Miraculously, she began to sleep from about 7pm to 5am straight. She would get up to eat at about 5am and then sleep again from about 5:30am to 7:30am. At bedtime we generally bathed her, fed her and read her a book. We would put her in her crib, turn on her ocean wonders, turn out the lights and walk away. There was no crying and it was amazing. We felt truly blessed.
That all changed about a month ago when Kayla got sick. Because she was not feeling well, she refused to sleep unless she was in someone's arms. At first we tolerated this behavior because of her illness, but then it began to spiral out of control. She suddenly "forgot" how to soothe herself and began to demand rocking as a prelude to sleep. At first this only occurred at bedtime but then started to become part of her napping ritual as well.
Kayla always fought sleep and was a poor napper but at least she did sleep and did nap. Finally, her sleep issues came to a head in St. Barth's where she became chronically overtired and cranky, refused to sleep without rocking or walking and began to consistently wake in the middle of the night. I have to admit that we definitely forced the issue by bringing her out with us every night for dinner thereby pushing her bedtime later than normal. Additionally, we did not strictly respect her nap time and forced her to take cat naps at times.
Having realized the error of our ways, my WW and I decided to consult the sleep gods. Enter "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber and "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. Both books are excellent. I would say that the Weissbluth book does a better job at explaining sleep physiology. Interestingly enough, both books say almost exactly the same thing. For your child to develop properly, to be happy and to preserve parental sanity, they must learn how to sleep properly. As a parent, you have to provide the framework for adequate sleep during the day and at night and you have to help your children learn to self sooth. Both doctors promote some form of extinction therapy as the method to "train" your baby to sleep. Weissbluth doesn't like Ferber's gradual method because he feels that sometimes the child's resolve to cry outlasts the parent's resolve to listen to it. We would tend to agree. Following consultation with our amazing Pediatrician we decided to try a modified version of Weissbluth's method. We also decided to attack night time sleep first and then move to naps.
While Kayla's sleep training is now a work in progress, we have seen instantaneous positive results. Both nights, she was asleep by 7pm in under 30min, only screamed for 10min, remembered how to turn on her ocean wonders aquarium by herself, soothed herself after waking a few hours later, woke to eat at 5:15am, cried a bit but was back asleep by 6am and was out of bed by 7:30am.
After this experience, we realize that we have to be a little more cognizant of Kayla's schedule and try to incorporate it into a, somewhat, normal adult life for us. We cannot drag her around everywhere and expect her to instantaneously adapt. Sometimes tough love in the short term will have long term positive results. I can only hope that we are the only ones who carry long term memories of this experience.
Right now I'm just happy to have my smiling Beanie back and that my wife and I have one less stressor to obsess about.
Sometime around her Baby Naming/Aruba trip things changed. Miraculously, she began to sleep from about 7pm to 5am straight. She would get up to eat at about 5am and then sleep again from about 5:30am to 7:30am. At bedtime we generally bathed her, fed her and read her a book. We would put her in her crib, turn on her ocean wonders, turn out the lights and walk away. There was no crying and it was amazing. We felt truly blessed.
That all changed about a month ago when Kayla got sick. Because she was not feeling well, she refused to sleep unless she was in someone's arms. At first we tolerated this behavior because of her illness, but then it began to spiral out of control. She suddenly "forgot" how to soothe herself and began to demand rocking as a prelude to sleep. At first this only occurred at bedtime but then started to become part of her napping ritual as well.
Kayla always fought sleep and was a poor napper but at least she did sleep and did nap. Finally, her sleep issues came to a head in St. Barth's where she became chronically overtired and cranky, refused to sleep without rocking or walking and began to consistently wake in the middle of the night. I have to admit that we definitely forced the issue by bringing her out with us every night for dinner thereby pushing her bedtime later than normal. Additionally, we did not strictly respect her nap time and forced her to take cat naps at times.
Having realized the error of our ways, my WW and I decided to consult the sleep gods. Enter "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber and "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. Both books are excellent. I would say that the Weissbluth book does a better job at explaining sleep physiology. Interestingly enough, both books say almost exactly the same thing. For your child to develop properly, to be happy and to preserve parental sanity, they must learn how to sleep properly. As a parent, you have to provide the framework for adequate sleep during the day and at night and you have to help your children learn to self sooth. Both doctors promote some form of extinction therapy as the method to "train" your baby to sleep. Weissbluth doesn't like Ferber's gradual method because he feels that sometimes the child's resolve to cry outlasts the parent's resolve to listen to it. We would tend to agree. Following consultation with our amazing Pediatrician we decided to try a modified version of Weissbluth's method. We also decided to attack night time sleep first and then move to naps.
While Kayla's sleep training is now a work in progress, we have seen instantaneous positive results. Both nights, she was asleep by 7pm in under 30min, only screamed for 10min, remembered how to turn on her ocean wonders aquarium by herself, soothed herself after waking a few hours later, woke to eat at 5:15am, cried a bit but was back asleep by 6am and was out of bed by 7:30am.
After this experience, we realize that we have to be a little more cognizant of Kayla's schedule and try to incorporate it into a, somewhat, normal adult life for us. We cannot drag her around everywhere and expect her to instantaneously adapt. Sometimes tough love in the short term will have long term positive results. I can only hope that we are the only ones who carry long term memories of this experience.
Right now I'm just happy to have my smiling Beanie back and that my wife and I have one less stressor to obsess about.
Kayla awakens unscathed following her first night of Sleep Training.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
"Vacationing" with Kayla in St. Barth's
If it's February, then it's probably time for a family vacation. For the last 5 years, we have been very fortunate to accompany both sets of parents on their winter vacation. As a result, every other year we go to the beach on St. Barth's with my parents and to go skiing in Whistler with my WW's parents. All of our family vacations have been wonderful and have helped to bring our family closer together. This is an incredible opportunity if you can swing it and we highly recommend it.
While our vacation in Aruba with Kayla was a new challenge for us, she was only 2 months old at the time and didn't have much of a sense of her surroundings. As long as we made sure that she was happy, it didn't seem as if the venue mattered.
I now understand that as Kayla gets older, the definition of vacation will change.
In 4 months Kayla has developed a sense of self. She is very interactive, responds to her name, attempts to feed herself and grabs for anything just out of her reach. She loves to explore and expand her horizons. For my WW and I that translate to constant vigilance with Kaya regardless of venue.
Kayla has a beautiful temperment. She wakes with a smile which continues throughout the day. She can generally amuse herself for at least 30 minutes. She loves meeting people and, if she is fed and rested, flirts with whomever she sees. She has an expanding vocabulary of babbles, squeals, rasberries, ah-has and cries. Her beautiful temperment certainly made it easier for us.
Once again, Kayla traveled beautifully. She played, slept and ate most of the way to and from St. Martin as well as on the hopper plane from St. Martin to St. Barth's. Anyone who has ever flown into St. Barth's will understand that it is very difficult to keep your composure during the landing, but Kayla handled it in stride. Only one 10 minute meltdown on the return trip prior to nap time. Not too shabby.
If you were on the lookout, you could spot Kayla in all the St. Barth's hotspots. Relaxing in her bathing suit on Gouverneur and Saline Beaches (one of the few wearing one). Strolling through the fashionable shops of Gustavia and St. Jean. Lounging around the pool in her private, secluded villa located in the hills above Gouverneur beach. Even dining in her "baby chair" at Le Gaiac or dancing with Grandpa R. at Nikki Beach!
We all learned valuable lessons vacationing with Kayla. I realized that the vacation paradigm has changed. No longer is my biggest consideration whether to finish reading the chapter in my book or go swimming. Sharing responsibility for Kayal has changed that and not all for the worse. My WW and I realized that although my parents love Kayla and love to care for her, that they are her Grandparents and reserve the right to give her back to her primary caregivers no questions asked. My parents realized that now that Kayla is coming to St. Barth's that they need some extra alone time to recover AFTER we leave. Kayla learned that peas taste almost as bad as sand does. We all realized that we cannot just drag Kayla everywhere and expect her not to object.
My WW and I also would like to express our gratitude to my parents for allowing us to intrude on their long time island paradise. Thanks for a wonderful vacation, thanks for all of your help and thanks for the memories.
I hope Grandma H. and Grandpa B. have been taking notes becasue we are already looking forward to spending next February's family vacation with them in Whistler.
While our vacation in Aruba with Kayla was a new challenge for us, she was only 2 months old at the time and didn't have much of a sense of her surroundings. As long as we made sure that she was happy, it didn't seem as if the venue mattered.
I now understand that as Kayla gets older, the definition of vacation will change.
In 4 months Kayla has developed a sense of self. She is very interactive, responds to her name, attempts to feed herself and grabs for anything just out of her reach. She loves to explore and expand her horizons. For my WW and I that translate to constant vigilance with Kaya regardless of venue.
Kayla has a beautiful temperment. She wakes with a smile which continues throughout the day. She can generally amuse herself for at least 30 minutes. She loves meeting people and, if she is fed and rested, flirts with whomever she sees. She has an expanding vocabulary of babbles, squeals, rasberries, ah-has and cries. Her beautiful temperment certainly made it easier for us.
Once again, Kayla traveled beautifully. She played, slept and ate most of the way to and from St. Martin as well as on the hopper plane from St. Martin to St. Barth's. Anyone who has ever flown into St. Barth's will understand that it is very difficult to keep your composure during the landing, but Kayla handled it in stride. Only one 10 minute meltdown on the return trip prior to nap time. Not too shabby.
If you were on the lookout, you could spot Kayla in all the St. Barth's hotspots. Relaxing in her bathing suit on Gouverneur and Saline Beaches (one of the few wearing one). Strolling through the fashionable shops of Gustavia and St. Jean. Lounging around the pool in her private, secluded villa located in the hills above Gouverneur beach. Even dining in her "baby chair" at Le Gaiac or dancing with Grandpa R. at Nikki Beach!
We all learned valuable lessons vacationing with Kayla. I realized that the vacation paradigm has changed. No longer is my biggest consideration whether to finish reading the chapter in my book or go swimming. Sharing responsibility for Kayal has changed that and not all for the worse. My WW and I realized that although my parents love Kayla and love to care for her, that they are her Grandparents and reserve the right to give her back to her primary caregivers no questions asked. My parents realized that now that Kayla is coming to St. Barth's that they need some extra alone time to recover AFTER we leave. Kayla learned that peas taste almost as bad as sand does. We all realized that we cannot just drag Kayla everywhere and expect her not to object.
My WW and I also would like to express our gratitude to my parents for allowing us to intrude on their long time island paradise. Thanks for a wonderful vacation, thanks for all of your help and thanks for the memories.
I hope Grandma H. and Grandpa B. have been taking notes becasue we are already looking forward to spending next February's family vacation with them in Whistler.
